


The Captains

by J000liet



Series: This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things [10]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M, M/M, The Captains are bros, The Managers are Magic, The managers are bros too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-03 04:35:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11524671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J000liet/pseuds/J000liet
Summary: There’s a captain meetup every Sunday. It was for talking tactics but it ends up... well even the captains can sometimes be the opposite of perfect.





	1. The Idea

* * *

 

One Sunday every month, the captains get together.

It was not their idea, originally.

It was the coaches.

Some figured it would help them let loose… **cough cough, Ushijima**

Others figured it would help them calm down… **cough cough, Terushima… and Bokuto… and all the others(?)**

 

And the first meeting went great.

 

And the second.

 

It was when they became friends that everything went to shit.

 

“Kurooo!!!!!”

“He Bro!” Kuroo smiled. “When did Akaashi leave for church?”

“At six. SIX! Who gets up at six on a  _ SUNDAY _ !”

“Ukai.” Daichi mumbled. “Hinata.” He held up two fingers. “Ushijima.” He held up another. “ME SO I COULD GET HERE ON TIME!”

“Chill man,” Terushima smiled. “Have a coffee.”

“Thanks.”

“Listen,” Terushima wrapped an arm around him and everyone froze, “now that you have a coffee, can I have that Hinata kid for a little-”

Daichi stomped on his foot. “Touch my first years and you die.”

“And speaking of first years, Lev just has no idea what the  _ hell _ he’s doing.” Kuroo whined.

Daichi sighed. “But Hin-”

“Listen. Hinata is a precious, innocent work of nature and you leave him alone.” Bokuto snapped.

“I know that!” Daichi fired back. “But just once, I’d like him to peacefully walk into practice, say hello, and get down to business.”

“TO DEFEAT THE HUNS!” Kuroo, Bokuto, and Terushima yelled simultaneously.

“At least Hinata knows how to hit the ball. I think with Lev its luck 70… no 62 percent of the time.” Kuroo explained.

“Just have Kenma teach him.” Futakuchi sighed.

“I TRIED! But Kenma just tries to set it to him once, ONCE, then gives up. How is going to make captain if he does that?”

“You’re going to make him captain?” Bokuto asked.

“NOT IF HE KEEPS THIS UP!”

“I just left it up to the second years.” Daichi shrugged. “Suga may have talked me into this family metaphor thing but LORD do I hate it.”

“DADchi!” Bokuto started laughing, before everyone joined in.

“Wait… does that make Sugawa-” Kuroo stopped.

“Please don’t say it.” Daichi sighed.

“SUGAMAMA!!!???” Kuroo laughed.

“REALLY?” Bokuto cackled.

Daichi nodded with a sad sigh.

“So then who are the problem children?” Terushima asked. “And can I borrow them for a little bit?”

“You want the list?” Daichi snarled. “Its enough to have your own damn team. Noya. Tanaka. Hinata. Kageyama. Tsukishima. And on the bad days, Asahi. He’s so big. He should act like it sometimes! AND WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT TOUCHING MY FIRST YEARS! Asahi is off limits, he’s my best friend. And if you want Noya and Tanaka, you’d better have a manager they think is better than Kiyoko. Do you have that?”

“No.” All the other players shook their heads.

“EXCUSE ME! Our managers-”

“Did they make a handbook on how to play against Shiratorizawa? Can they keep you in line? Can one word from them drive you to tears?”

“Well-”

“Are they hot?” Kuroo added. “Cause if they’re hot, I’ll come play for you.”

“Fuck you, Kuroo.” Terushima threw his empty coffee can at him.

“HEY!”

“Grow up, both of you.” Daichi sighed, effectively cutting them off. “No one is going to a different team.”

“Can I trade Kazuma Bobata for Lev?” Kuroo ignored Daichi.

“Screw that.” Terushima spat. “Hey Moniwa, can I trade Bobata for Aone?”

“Fuck no.”

“NO TRADING! NO ONE IS SWITCHING TEAMS!” Daichi yelled.

“I worry for Sugamama.” Bokuto shook his head.

“Such an angry man for the father of his children.” Kuroo joined him. 

“I am NOT a father.” Daichi snarled.

“Are you implying that Suga is a cheater?”

“But-I-NO! Suga isn’t like that!” Daichi yelled. “Suga would never cheat on me.”

“Wait…”

Everyone looked at him.

“You and Suga…” Kuroo whispered.

“You’re actually…” Bokuto collapsed.

“DATING?” Terushima gasped. “There go my chances.” He spat.

“You didn’t know?” Moniwa squinted. “Everyone at Date Tech did.”

“Shiritorizawa knows.” Came a low murmer from the corner.

“How long has Ushiwaka been here?” Bokuto whispered.

“Hello everyone! Sorry I’m late Iwa-chan stayed late last night.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

“We get it.” Bokuto sat down.

Daichi sighed. This always happens. Oikawa enters, and everyone hates him just enough that things get serious for a little bit and then true chaos erupts, usually following a sentence about ‘Iwa-chan’. Sometimes… sometimes Daichi wished Oikawa would be uninvited.

  
  


Oikawa was probably (read: hopefully) almost done with his long narrative on the best parts of Iwaizumi when it happened: the snap.

“GOD DAMN IT, OIKAWA! NONE OF US FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND!” Kuroo snapped.

“YEAH! WE WANT TO KNOW WHY WE DIDN’T KNOW WHY ARE THIRD MUSKETEER DIDN’T TELL US HE WAS DATING SUGAWARA!”

“You. Are. Dating. Sugawara. Koushi. And. You. DIDN’T. TEll! ME!?!” Oikawa gasped. “Since  _ when _ ?”

“First year.” Daichi shrugged. “Can I have that apple?”

“Go ahead.” Terushima tossed it to him. “My life is meaningless now anyways.”

“I thought you had the hots for Kiyoko.” Daichi pursed his lips.

“Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t invite Sugawara to a threesome if I had the chance. That boy is  _ fiiiine _ !”

“Watch it.” Daichi growled. “That’s  _ MY _ Suga you’re talking about.”

“Ooooo. Can you join me-”

“NO.” Daichi growled. He didn’t care who said it. No sleeping with anyone other than Sugawara Koushi.

“Poo.” He heard, rather than saw, a pout.

“Moving on. What about you, Bokuto. We heard Oikawa’s rant. Time for yours.”  _ **crunch** _

“Oh…”

“That doesn’t sound good.” Moniwa opened another can of coffee.

“We… haven’t gone on any dates or anything in a while. Akaashi hasn’t agreed to any or asked me on any.” Bokuto said quietly.

“Iwa-chan and I went through something similar.” Oikawa smiled.

“Suga and I did too.” Daichi nodded.

“How…”

“Talk to him.” Daichi sighed.

“Things will only get worse if you keep pushing.” Oikawa added. “That’s what I did and Iwa-chan got mad and ignored me for three months.”

“You don’t think… Akaashi…”

“Not if you talk to him.” Kuroo added. “Kenma always says talking is the best for solving problems. But… sometimes that doesn’t work.”

“What do you mean?” Oikawa opened a can of coffee, reading Kuroo’s face. “Oh? Kuroo has a crush?”

“BRO?!” Bokuto gasped. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Cause she’s not going to talk to me.” He sighed.

“She?” Daichi asked. “I thought you and Kenma-”

“Nah. He’s just like my little brother…”

“Mad-dog is like that with Yahaba.” Oikawa mused.

“HA!” Daichi laughed. 

“What?”

“Never mind.” Daichi waved it off. “What’s her name?”

Silence.

“A manager, though?” Terushima asked. 

Kuroo nodded.

“One of the volleyball teams?” Moniwa guessed.

A little nod.

“That means… Daichi, Bokuto, or I know them.” Moniwa squinted. “And you seem scared. That means... “

“Kiyoko… or the little cutie with the stars.” Terushima smirked.

“Yachi Hitoka.” Kuroo sighed. The stopped. Then looked at a Daichi with such a dark aura he was purple.

“No.”

“Please, Mr. Karasuno!” Kuroo clapped his hands together. “Don’t kill me!”

“I’m not going to kill you… yet.”

“No one is going to kill anyone.” Nekoma ordered and then sighed. “Why can’t you all be more like Ushijima?”

“What?” Bokuto’s eyes raised and everyone looked at Ushijima in the corner. He was sitting there at a whiteboard, making lists.

“What are you doing?” Terushima asked.

“Making a list of who I want on my team.”

“And who’s that?”

“If I am coaching, I want a team with Tendo. The Lev one, Kuroo is talking about. I can whip into shape. Iwaizumi. Takanobu Aone. Bokuto. Kenma Kozume as my second setter. Kageyama as my first setter. Tsukishima. Nishinoya as my libero. And as much as I… am conflicted on him, Hinata Shoyo. It is the balance of cool heads and impulses that would create an unreadable team with enough players to account for injury and opponent.”

“Not third years?”

“We are graduating.” He shrugged. “There is no point.”

“We should go to the beach.” Bokuto smiled.

“What?”

“Test our teams out. Make a list of who we want to captain and have a tournament.” Bokuto explained.

“So test out the second and first years?” Terushima asked. “And why is no one from Johzenji on your team?”

“I have no use of a team that is just in it for the fun.”

“Why you....” he grumbled. “Fine. But let’s make this interesting . We coach our own teams and see who’s the better coach?”

“The winner gets what?” Oikawa sighed. 

“The winner can ask one single thing of every one of us.” Daich growled.

They all smiled.

Nekoma reached for his phone and sent a text to the other coaches.

_ Trouble _ .

  
  
  


A  _ BEACH _ trip? He sighed. WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?

* * *

 


	2. The Beach Tournament of (almost) Doom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The captains play their beach games. And things go well.....
> 
> ish?

* * *

They pulled up, Ukai senior as the representative of the adults, at a beach a few weekends later bright and early in the morning (read: about 8. Meaning they were up at a godforsaken hour after spending the night in a cheap, seedy motel). 

“I hear you boys are going to play some volleyball.” He laughed, looking at Daichi.

“Yes, sir.”

“I’ll be the judge. Keep it fair.” He smiled.

“Thank you, sir.” Daichi nodded before turning to the team. “Don’t forget to put on sunscreen! All of you! And don’t be asses to each other and write profanities or draw dicks on each other in sunscreen, okay?”

Kageyama raised his hand.

“Yes?”

“Can I draw a dick on Oikawa’s back?”

Tsukishima snorted. Tanaka laughed. Noya patted him on the back. Everyone else looked like they were trying not to laugh or just slightly amused.

“No.” Daichi sighed. “Any other questions?”

“If the person is Ushijima, can I draw a dick on them in sunscreen?” Noya raised his hand.

“No.” Daichi growled.

“What if I draw a-”

“No one. Is drawing ANYthing. On ANYon.” Daichi snapped.

“KEEEENNNNNMMMMMAAAAAA!” Hinata yelled and ran across the parking lot.

“Hello.” Kenma nodded, his PSVita already in a plastic bag to protect it.

“Daichi.” Kuroo nodded.

“Kuroo.”

“Is-”

“The ladies are coming in the afternoon. I think they planned some shopping together in town first.” Suga stepped in, fully aware of the crush Kuroo had on their young manager. “And we need to have a talk.” He grabbed Kuroo and hauled him to the edge of the lot.

“I don’t envy Kuroo right now.” Oikawa popped up. “Hello Dai-chan!”

“Oikawa.”

“Tobio-chan! Aren’t you going to say hello to your beloved senpai?”

“You not beloved by anyone, Trash Heap.” Iwaizumi stepped up. “I’ve already given the lecture on sunscreen drawings.” He added.

“As did I.” Daichi replied. “And congrats on the new nickname.”

“The others were stale.” Iwaizumi shrugged.

“How come you weren’t made captain?” Hinata asked. “You seem a lot better at it than the Grand King.”

The air around the Aoba Josai team grew thick.

“Don’t ask.” Shigeru shook his head.

Quickly after that, all the captains were there and the massive group was heading to the beach volleyball courts.

“Boys, we gotta problem.” Ukai sighed.

“Ukai…” Bokuto gasped before leaning to whisper to Hinata. “I thought he was an urban myth.”

“What’s the problem?” Diachi asked. 

“They’re two courts. One is outta commission cause of glass breaking and they haven’t combed through it yet. And the other is occupied by a buncha punks.” He snarled. “Look at ‘em. Don’t even know how to play the game right.”

“I believe we must do our jobs as captains.” Futakuchi smiled.

“I agree.” Ushijima nodded. “They are defiling the court.”

The seven captains headed over and smiled at the players of the three on three match.

“We reserved the court.” Daichi smiled.

“Yeah so get your butts off it!” Terushima added.

Oikawa hit him on the back of the head. “Not. Helping.”

“Look at the prissies. We were here first.” Punk #1 laughed. 

“How about we play you for the court.” Kuroo smiled.

“Bro! Good idea!” Bokuto smiled. “Six on six. One person for rotation.”

“So… what the idiot means is seven on seven.” Punk #2 laughed.

“We can take you.” Punk #3 smiled. “And we’ll be nice to give you five minutes to make a game plan.”

“Deal.” Oikawa smiled and the captains huddled up.

“Whose the captain of the captains?” Bokuto asked.

“I vote Daichi.” Kuroo suggested.

“Why?” Daichi squinted at him.

“If you can handle your team of freaks, you can handle us.” Futakuchi answered. “I vote Daichi too.”

“I’m with my bro.” Bokuto added.

“The logic is sound.” Ushijima admitted. “I will vote for Daichi as well. And that means Daichi has four out of seven votes. Daichi wins.”

“What about me?” Oikawa protested.

“Any votes for Oikawa?” Bokuto asked.

“I vote for Daichi if my other option is him.” Terushima sighed.

“Thats a no.” Bokuto smiled. “What are our positions captain?”

“Oikawa is setter. Kuroo, middle blocker. Ushijima and Bokuto are wing spikers. Terushima is libero.”

“I’m a spiker.” Terushima protested.

“You’re also the only one who’ll be quick enough on their feet to be a libero.” Daichi stated.

“Cool.” Terushima smiled.

“Futakuchi and I will start in the back and be spikers as well.” Daichi finished. “I have an idea that will let everyone play. Go easy first point. Then…” he smiled, purple then radiating around him. “Let ‘em have it. Let’s make this a shutout.”

  
  


“Guys…” the captains heard the seventh player sigh from the sidelines. “Let them have the court.”

“Do ya really have such little faith in your bros?” Punk #1 teased.

“No. But you guys are gonna get your asses kicked.” The seventh player sighed. “See the massive amount of people they have?”

“Yeah?”

The seventh one pointed to them. “My cousin is the manager of one of their teams.”

“So. You guys serve first.” The ball was thrown to Ushijima.

“May I?” He looked to Daichi.

“Be my guest.” Daichi smiled. “Oh! We’ll be bending the rules and our team will rotate after every serve no matter who wins the point, including our seventh player.”

“Got it!” The other team gave a thumbs up.

“They’re-”

Ushijima served.

 

And it was an ace.

“-volleyball teams.” the seventh one finished.

All the volleyball players cheered.

“Did I serve to hard?” Ushijima asked, looking to Daichi. “I went easy.”

“For them,” Daichi looked, “Play like your playing against six year olds.”

Ushijima nodded.

  
  


Final score.

Captains 25. Bros…

 

0.

 

“Now the real competition begins.” Kuroo smiled as the captains broke off to their teams to begin what they were here for.

* * *

It was close.

Johzenji lost first.

Next was a surprise upset and Date Tech was the next to loose.

Then the girls came and a large majority of the players started trying to show off.

Most against the captain's orders to NOT show off. 

Ushijima had a hard time controlling his team after Tendō took the court.

Oikawa couldn’t control Kyōtani at all.

And both those teams were out next.

Bokuto went into one of his moods and then his team lost to Nekoma.

And then it was a battle of the beach garbage dump.

“Hey Daichi!” Kuroo called out before the game started.

“What?”

“I already know the favor you’re going to have to give me!”

“Touch my first years -  _ any _ of my first years - and you die.” He snarled back.

“Any favor. You know that!” Kuroo laughed.

  
  


23-23. Duce.

Damn. Kuroo was getting tired. Coaching was hard. But he wanted those favors  _ soooo _ bad.

23-24. Karasuno.

24-24.

25-24. Nekoma.

ONE MO-

25-25.

25-26. Karasuno.

Time out called by Nekoma. Their last one.

He saw Sugawara run over to Yachi.

She was so cute! In that pastel pink sundress.

_ FOCUS KUROO! _

He directed his team on how to play the last three points.

Time out over.

26-26.

27-26. Nekoma.

He held his breath.

28-26. Nekoma Wins.

Kuroo gets his favors!

The first thing he does is grab Lev by the scruff of the neck and throws him at Ushijima.

“The favor your giving me is training the Russian.” Kuroo smiles. “Good luck.”

The next thing he does is march over to Oikawa. “You give me and everyone on my team free fashion advice for the next year whenever we want it.”

“Does that include new students at the start of next year?”

“Why would they reap the benefits of MY reward?”

Oikawa looks him up and down, then at the team, then sighs. “I got my work cut out for me, but fine.”

“Futakuchi.”

“Yes?”

“Your team trains the middle blockers.” He smiled.

Futakuchi sighed. “Deal.”

“Terushima.” Kuroo smiled wickedly.

“Do your worst. I won't refuse anything. Treat it like a dare.”

“A dare? You sure?”

“Positive.” Terushima stuck his tongue ring out.

“You can’t talk to the lady managers from any team without at least three members of their team present.”

“What?” He dropped his soda. “You can’t do that! That isn’t a favor!”

“You said to treat it as a dare. How about I rephrase. As a favor to me, you won’t talk to the lady managers from any team without at least three members of their team present.”

All the other captains smiled.

The managers sighed in relief from their spot under the umbrella they were sharing.

“It falls within the parameters of a favor.” Daichi smiled.

“But-”

“Why don’t we ask Ukai if it counts?” Futakuchi smiled.

“Yeah!” Terushima nodded. “Hey Ukai!”

“Right behind you.”

Terushima screamed, jumped, and fell over (in that order).

“It counts.” Ukai smiled.

“BUT-”

“That's the favor. You can’t refuse. There are witnesses.” Kuroo smiled and walked away. “Don’t worry. You’ll still have your third year. Oh wait. That’s this upcoming year, isn’t it?”

“Savage.” Oikawa whispered.

“That’s my bro.” Bokuto wiped a fake tear from his eye.

Kuroo bypassed the next two favors and went over to the ladies.

“We don’t owe you a favor.” Yukie smiled at him.

“Actually, the next two depend on how Yachi answers a question.” He blushed and rubbed his neck.

“NO!” Daichi lunged at him, only to get caught by Suga and held by Asahi.

“Let the boy ask, dear.” Suga patted Daichi on the head.

Yachi was bright red and a nervous wreck. “What did you want to ask?”

“Will you go on a date with me?” Kuroo chewed on his lip as he waited for her answer.

“Why should she?” Shimizu bought her friend some time.

“Yeah? Why do you like her?”

“She-you-its just- I mean-” He kept stuttering and tripping over his tongue and nothing in his head seemed right and-

“I would love to.”

“What?” Kuroo looked up.

“What?” The first years stopped giggling.

“WHAT?” Daichi went limp in Asahi’s arms.

“Bro. That was pure luck.” Bokuto laughed.

“I would love to.” Yachi repeated.

“Cool. Yes! I mean… that would be great.” Kuroo smiled.

“You want my number?”

“Numb-yeah!” He grabbed his phone out of his pocket and handed it over. “Here! Text yourself or add yourself and I’ll text you later. I mean, I’ll definitely text you later but-”

“This is just…” Futakuchi covered his eyes.

“Sad.” Ushijima finished for him.

“For once, I agree with Ushiwaka.” Oikawa was wincing.

“Here.” Yachi handed the phone back. “I can’t wait!”

“Hehehe…” Kuroo shifted on his feet a few times. “Talk to you later.”

And he ran to hide behind Kenma.

Who patted his head in comfort before returning to his phone.

“I’m proud of you.” Kiyoko smiled.

“I did it!” Yachi giggled happily.

“Yes you did.” Suzumeda from Fukurōdani patted her on the back.

“What am I gonna wear?” She whispered to Kuribayashi from Johzenji.

“Whatever fits the date.” Kuribayashi suggested.

Kuroo ran over to Bokuto and whispered his favor in his ear.

“You got it.” Bokuto nodded.

“Keep it a secret!” Kuroo hissed.

“Got it, Bro.” Bokuto motioned to zip his lips.

Then Kuroo sheepishly walked over to Daichi.

“If the favor is not to kill you, I’m gonna say no.” Daichi snarled.

“And you like to act your not the team dad.” Suga laughed.

“Dadchi?” Kuroo kicked the sand.

“Oh. My. God.” Suzumeda giggled.

“Is he asking Daichi for permission?” Kuribayashi was giggling too.

“He doesn’t need to.” Yachi was turning red again.

“Kuroo, get on with it.” Daichi snarled.

“I was wondering…” He stopped.

“Kuroo!” Yamamoto snapped. “Get on with it!”

“Your favor to me is to…” he took a deep breath, “convinceUkaitocometrainusfortwoweeks.”

“What?” Daichi shook his head.

“Nekomata is getting a surgery done and he can’t leave his house for two weeks so Nekoma needs a coach for that time and you’re going to convince Ukai to come and train us for those two weeks.”

“Which Ukai?” Daichi asked, looking at Ukai senior talking to Ushijima.

“Either.”

“I’ll try. But if I can’t…” Daichi sighed. “I’ll let you call in another favor.”

“Thanks.” Kuroo sighed. 

“NOW GET OVER HERE!” Daichi lunged and picked him up.

“DAICHI!” Suga chased after the pair headed for the water of the beach.

“HEELLLLPPPPP MEEEEEEE!” Kuroo kicked at the air and punched at Daichi’s back.

The captains lined up and watched Yachi and Kiyoko chase Suga chasing Daichi.

“That’s a long run.” Futakuchi noted.

“And Kuroo’s pretty big. Daichi might hurt himself.” Terushima thought out loud.

“At least Mr. Refreshing is picking up Kuroo’s shit as he throws it out of his pockets.” Oikawa sighed.

“Shouldn’t we be helping him?” Ushijima asked.

Everyone looked to Bokuto.

“Eh.” He shrugged.

All the captains turned.

Then Kiyoko stopped everything. “DAICHI STOP RIGHT THERE!” She yelled as loudly as necessary.

Daichi froze inches from the edge of the water and turned to wait out Yachi and Kiyoko sprinting down the beach. 

“You will put Kuroo gently down on dry sand right now.” 

Daichi did as he was told with a bit of help from Suga.

“LAAAAAND!” Kuroo cried as he fell to his knees in front of Kiyoko and Yachi. “Thank you so much, my angels of mercy!”

“Honestly…” Kiyoko sighed. “I expected this from Noya and Tanaka. Maybe the first years. But you?”

“Yeah, Dadchi.” Kuroo said from his back.

“Watch it.” Daichi growled.

“Apologize.” Kiyoko snapped.

“But-”

“Do as she says Daichi.” Suga agreed.

“Sorry.” Daichi pouted.

“Now let’s go back up and join everyone else. The managers have a barbeque ready. Yachi, you stay and help Kuroo back once he’s regained his composure.” She smiled at Yachi.

“We’ll come with you.” Suga pushed Daichi back up towards the group

  
  


Ukai senior was videotaping the whole day. It was his promise to the other coaches.

Why they didn’t have a manager at the meetings was beyond him.

Girls were the only way to control those boys.

Always had been. Always would be.

It was true for his high school team. Was true for his son’s team. True for his grandson’s team. For this team.

It was a magic Ukai gave up figuring out long ago.

Honestly. Were the coaches now a days idiots?

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Head-canon... Kuroo is nowhere near as cool as he pretends to be.


End file.
